Chapter 1: Why stand for nothing!
I am so scared to stand up for myself. The world is so fight or flight. My favorite thing to do is survive. I always must fly. I see a oppressed being harrassed by an oppressor. I look and then put my head down. If I make eye contact with them. They could attack me. There is no benefit to standing up for the oppressed. Doing so will make them take my trinkets away. I get want all my worldly possessions when I die. It scares me to think about life without my trinkets. On top of the person is bigger than me. I could be on the street without a dollar to my name. Then I couldnt pay my medical bills from getting beat up. I was taught at a young age to mind my business and respect people no matter what. It keeps me comfortable in my choices and keeps me out of trouble. Trouble is any consequence I must face. From a firm talking to or my comfort being taken away. Why do that? I am so likable. People love having me around. I do everything for everyone. They love it. If They want to make fun of me. I will laugh it off because it doesn’t effect me. I really love my dog but when it uses the bathroom on the carpet. I yell my head off at it. It deserves it. It should know better and I am the boss of it. Why must it be an idiot?! Ruining my life at every turn. It makes me sick seeing it act out around other people. I am so busy! The fear it puts in me. What are these people saying to others about my dog?! This is why I stand for nothing. People are so deceptive. They will make me feel so safe. Then tell me I am so ugly. Then I name call them back. Then the law gets involved. I am just going to stay in this bubble. The safe bubble where nothing can affect me. It’s where I can get lost in my music or video games. In this world I can play as the strong person, I am not in real life. I can make a difference in a world I can control. The real world is so unpredictable. Why complicate things more with my 2 cents? this will put the spot light on me. I hate the spotlight I want to make myself as small as possible. The attention is a challenge and challenges scare me. What if I fail? People will make fun of me. This can hurt my feelings so bad. I already have memories of bad situations. They can only get worse.